Do you find yourself to be this kind of person at times? Have you hidden your true self in order to survive the peer pressure? These people pleasers are otherwise known as adapters. A lot of these people who were willing to let others use them were most likely raised in an environment where their opinions were not valued. Or they may have been neglected too often that they see themselves as an unimportant part of society. In order to earn their place, they mistakenly thought that they had to forget who they were just to bend to the will of others.

People pleasers focus mostly on others and not what is inside their own hearts and minds. If you become this kind of person, you will eventually feel lonely and empty deep down. You may have earned friends, but deep down, you will always doubt their real intentions. You will feel like there should be more to life and don’t exactly know what you are in search of. You need to get out of this unhealthy pattern. Know that it is very possible to change so that you can finally feel better about yourself and know what you truly deserve.

First off, you need to learn how to say NO. This very important word is what frees you from the chains you’ve created for your life. Say it as often as you can, just to hear the word come out of your mouth. Of course, you can also be more polite about it, but nonetheless, you have to know when to stop and put your own needs ahead. You may also feel guilty at times, but you’ll get to see who your real friends are in the very end.

Your state of mind is well worth the effort because when you have a healthy point of view, those around you will be healthy as well. Your thoughts and emotions are an important part of who you are. When you are unsure of yourself and try too hard to become the kind of person others want you to be, you’ll lose what matters most: your dignity and self-respect.

Many people pleasers wrongly believe that nobody will like them if they stop doing things for others. If someone stops liking you just because you’ve learned how to say no, then chances are they weren’t really your friends to begin with. A true friend is someone who likes you for your true self, someone who stands by you through thick and thin. Only when you become honest about whom you truly are will you have this kind of friendship.

Don’t allow yourself to become anyone’s puppet. Free yourself from the fear of rejection because ironically, it is only then will you become loved and accepted. Who is running your life? The answer should be you!

1. WORK WITH THE END IN MIND- OR FOCUS ON SUCCESS

Beginning with the end in mind is the endowment of imagination . If you are the programmer, write the program, says, goal expert- Stephen R. Covey. Goals help us to focus, and the quality of our attention is enhanced by a having a project so cool and interesting that we can’t help but make a leap. Let’s say, you want to organize your workspace so that everyone is inspired to do their best work. The in-between steps: like ergonomic concerns & planning comfortable lighting, in-and-of itself can seem mundane, but joined together they name a bigger accomplishment and by doing so, asks us to spice up our expectations & upgrade who we are. Focus on success & keep in mind how you want things to end up–And you’ll soon enough be successful.

– name the accomplishment

– give your project a title

– what needs to be done by when

– how would you like things to end up

– identify upbeat reasons for pursuing the goal

2. RAISE THE BAR-OR SHOOT FOR THE MOON

Define greatness, challenge the limits, double the goal, or try something new…These are just some of the sentiments that put our plans into action and move us towards revolutionary results. Look around and witness the very essence of commonplace activities being tested and re-imagined. Such as schools re-defining Physical Education by bringing in activities ranging from kickboxing to more esoteric offerings like tai chi and yoga. And with the introduction of Blogs, an international conversation is in full swing with millions of links and a central clearing house inspired by immediacy, intrigue and tension. Raising the bar on a project can simply mean taking one extra step, having an allegiance to a weird idea, or devoting to a regular practice. Commit to a goal in a meaningful way, personalize it & make it your own, and then watch an otherwise sleepy project wake up and give way to a new found energy, creativity and distinction .Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you’ll land among the stars.”

– double the goal

– challenge the limits

– create a regular practice

– raise your standards,values or beliefs

– make it a game

3. GO THE PATH OF LEAST RESISTANCE-OR SHOW ME THE SHORTCUT

Sometimes a goal deserves a break. TIME MAGAZINE reported that after 8 hours of sleep you’d be more than twice as likely to find a shortcut for solving a problem. Suggesting that taking it easy is good for the brain, and what’s good for the brain is good for the overall psyche and soul. Are you doing too much, not getting nourished and being exhausted? Well perhaps its time to consider another path. Don’t re-invent the wheel. Pick up a book written by an expert, join a group that’s geared around your project, sign up for an informational newsletter , or ask someone to buddy up & help. For instance, if I was writing a screen-play and struggling with a self imposed deadline, I could simplify my project just by signing up for a writing class. What with weekly writing tasks & in-class exercises this alone would expedite the development of my script. Another over looked short cut is to consider smaller steps. The smaller the increments the easier the goal. Deng Ming-Dao, writes in EVERYDAY TAO, An inch in one direction, then an inch in another already makes a span of 2 inches. Gradually we can improve on that. Go the path of least resistance, it’s a gift of energy.

– don’t reinvent the wheel-find someone who’s done it before

– slow down or change the pace

– keep to minimum daily standards

– write everything down–loose ideas vs. lost ideas

– the smaller the increments the easier the goal

In order to succeed in life, we first have to believe in ourselves. All this talk about finding ways to achieve success is pointless when we just don’t trust our own talents and abilities. Without self confidence, we won’t have the tools to face life’s challenges with equanimity. The dilemma we sometimes face is not knowing how to gain self confidence when we don’t really have it in us. Do we really have to experience success first before we believe in ourselves? Maybe, but then again, many set themselves up to be discouraged before they’ve even tried anything.

To make your goals more attainable, you can make it more manageable by breaking down your larger goal into smaller ones. The chances for success here then increase. Then, make sure that you celebrate each small feat that you overcome.

Self image is another important factor. If you constantly criticize yourself, you will never feel adequate. Remember, negativity begets negativity.  This low self image is sometimes the by-product of your life experiences as you face the devastating blows of your wrong choices. You need to realize that these mistakes will never hold you down as long as you don’t allow them to. You need to look at now, not yesterday! What have you learned from the blunder? Use this and let this serve as a guide as you continue on life’s path. And then there are people who also affect the way you look at yourself. The decision of whether or not spend some toxic time with these individuals is all up to you. Learn to put your foot down and seek out those who can be more helpful to your overall growth.

You need to see yourself as inherently worthy. Be aware of how unique you are and realize that you are more than capable of contributing to the good of the world. Pay attention to only those who want what’s best for you and turn a deaf ear to those who just want to see you go down. The ones that deserve your time are the ones who recognize your inner strength. Look at yourself in a more positive light and start to see what you are actually blessed with.

Your self image is intimately intertwined with your destiny. You have to guard you thoughts against feelings of inadequacy. The power of a positive vision should never be underestimated. This is what helped the most successful people on their way to the top. Rule of thumb states that the clearer the goal is, the higher your self confidence gets. Even the most capable mind and body need a good dose of self confidence. Only with trusting yourself and knowing what you are capable of will you ever be able to attain success.

If you are worried about where the economy’s headed, then count yourself as one of the lucky few. People who live their lives free of worries may one day find themselves knee-deep in debts and problems. Know what your expenses are. If you need to write them down, then do so. Make sure that you can account for every single cent. A list gives you a view of the entire picture. It’ll also give you an idea where your dollar goes. By tracking your daily costs in a diary, you will be able to see where you can cut back. You don’t have to buy something every time you feel stress. In fact, showing some willpower will give you a sense of control. If you are a member of a club or the gym, check out the deals they have for their cash-strapped clients. Get a discount when you can, and avoid unnecessary spending.

Nowadays, you also need to know that you can always have a job to fall back on. Especially with the recent economic difficulties, companies are now trying to downsize their manpower. Work hard and make the upper management know that you are an integral and indispensible part of the company. For starters, try to hand in your projects before the deadline. Make sure that you are getting the attention that you deserve. You can be the most industrious employee, but if your boss doesn’t know it, then you have nothing to gain from all your efforts. This, of course, does not mean that you become one of those people who like to brag a lot. You just have to document everything that you’ve done and regularly update your supervisor just so they’ll know where you are with work.

Just remember that in times of stress, you must never take your health for granted. Make sure that you have a way to release tension. Exercise is said to be the most helpful solution. When you work out, your body releases hormones that help you become more relaxed. Spend some time in the gym, or go for a walk. Whatever it is, just make sure that you sweat it out. Many people have sworn to the effectiveness of a workout. Just make sure that you have an outlet your anxiety. Keeping your issues bottled up can be very harmful to the various aspects of your life.

Lastly, enjoy the company of friends. It helps to know that you have a great support system by your side during your most difficult days. Even casually discussing your dreams to your friends and loved ones can be motivation enough for you to go into a quest to achieve them. The world can either be your ally or your enemy during these tough times. Make things work for you and ensure that you make plans for your future. You can find help in this process at Colorado Springs Counseling.

Boundaries 101

The quickest way to increase your self-esteem is to work on your boundaries with the world around you. This means developing the ability to know your self apart from those around you. You really don’t have to take everything personally. You can evaluate whether someone is speaking the truth before taking it inside and having feelings about it.

Imagine yourself mentally slowing the conversation down. As the words come out of your partner’s mouth, first pause, then consider their truth. Are the words true about you, or, are they really a personal perspective that says more about how this person sees the world?

The difficult part is that you will discover a seed of truth in most of these discussions. However, having one part of the sentence or paragraph reflect truth does not make the whole thing true. What is true, and what is the other person’s “spin?” If you continue to have trouble recognizing the other person’s perspective you can get further help from Colorado Springs Counseling.

Once you’ve discovered the other person’s perspective, notice the emotions you begin to have. I’ll bet these feelings derive from your own “spin” on the world. Do you believe that your perspectives are the whole truth of things? Not likely. So, back down the power of those feelings. Be responsible for your own perspective.

Good boundaries are meant to protect you from the other person’s “stuff” slopping over onto you. In addition, they are also meant to protect the other person from your “stuff” slopping over onto them. It’s both protection and containment. You get to take responsibility for yourself by practicing both.

The cool part?

You discover deep down that you actually have a self to esteem. You’re not open to every poke the world sends your way. And, you are responsible about not sending pokes back out to the world. Feel some pride. You’re beginning to do a good job of taking care of yourself.

Boundaries 102

You can begin to see that boundaries have a lot to do with being responsible for self-care.

Self-care includes the food we eat, our exercise and the time we take for ourselves. It’s also clothes, dental and medical care, and mental hygiene. Everything that goes into keeping us healthy has a boundary component.

As adults we are individually responsible to make sure these needs are well taken care of. It is not appropriate to expect someone else to take care of them for us. We may need help to get them met, but it is not the other person’s responsibility. It is ours.

If I need a hug, it is my job to ask for one. My partner may or may not be open to give me one. It can be delightful if that hug is available. If it is not, then it is still my responsibility to find a way to meet my need. My care is my job.

Got it?

Don’t fall into the romance trap. It feels wonderful to have your partner anticipate your needs and to feel like the two of you are “joined at the hip.” But, if it continues this way your feeling of self worth will start to depend on him or her, not on you. It’s only a matter of time before it gets damaged.

So stay real.

You can enjoy your partner while holding yourself accountable for your own self esteem. All it takes is attention to a self-responsible perspective. It’s not exactly easy, but then, what is when it comes to relationships? And if it still seems impossible, then try Colorado Springs Counseling. ]]> http://coloradospringscounseling.net/building-self-esteem-personal-boundaries-can-make-the-difference/feed 0 http://coloradospringscounseling.net/hypnosis-alternative-to-emotional-clearing-of-childhood-trauma http://coloradospringscounseling.net/hypnosis-alternative-to-emotional-clearing-of-childhood-trauma#comments Sun, 25 Oct 2009 01:05:57 +0000 admin-cscing http://coloradospringscounseling.net/?p=37 By David Quigley

There are at least three distinct schools in the field of
emotional clearing work taught in hypnotherapy schools in
California.

The first of these, developed by Milton Erickson, involves
the use of hypnotic suggestion in which the hypnotist feeds
“new” childhood experiences or ideas directly into the
client’s subconscious mind, while the client is in a
regressed state. The therapist takes complete control of
redesigning the client’s childhood.Erickson even used
deliberate amnesia to prevent the client’s conscious mind
from interfering with or negating the process, although this
step has not been found necessary by modern practitioners of
his technique.

A second more interactive strategy (”interactive” means that
the client and therapist work together in the process of
healing) involves the client setting up a new ending for the
injured child’s experience. This modality, described by
Frieda Morris in Hypnosis for Friends and Lovers, involves
the therapist helping the client relive a traumatic event
first. Then therapist and client together decide on a new
experience which is a positive one to replace the original
memory. For example:

Therapist: “Well, what can we do differently now with this
experience with your mother?”

Client: “I’d like her to be nice to me. She could say, ‘I
love you. I’m sorry I lost my temper. It’s not your fault’.”

Then client and therapist together re-create the memory as a
series of positive words and images while the client is in a
regressed state. This allows the client to feel love, bliss
and nurturance.

These two methods work well for many clients, but often fail
to address the client’s underlying feelings of frustration,
helplessness, anger, guilt, or abandonment. If the client,
for example, feels angry about mother’s behavior, neither
Erickson’s nor Morris’ technique provides a complete
solution. Also, many of my clients experienced such a poor
relationship with a parent that it is impossible for them to
imagine their mother being a loving, understanding parent.

As a third method, Alchemical Hypnotherapy combines the best
features of emotional release and emotional clearing therapy.
It creates a dramatic encounter between the client’s adult
personality, the hurt, traumatized child and important people
in the client’s past. This process, called the “rescue
mission”, allows the expression of feelings which stem from
the incident, as well as empowering the client to heal
himself. Here’s an example:

The client is feeling helpless and angry in the midst of a
memory of being beaten up by father in a traumatic
regression.

Now, I interject:

Therapist: “Let’s imagine your adult self is entering the
room right now. What would you like to say to your father,
Mr. Adult?”

Client: “I’d like to shake some sense into my father! (grabs
an offered pillow) Now you listen to me, you jerk!”

Therapist: “Good! What is his response?”

Now the client has the opportunity to release all of his
repressed feelings toward his father (including grief,
abandonment, admiration, etc.) and clear the way for a new
level of understanding with him. Often this dialogue moves
the client towards forgiveness as he begins to hear about his
father’s stressful life and underlying love for his son.

Most important, however, is that the client is empowered to
rescue his “inner child” from the past. This nurturing
relationship between the adult and his inner child can
continue between therapy sessions. This considerably reduces
the time needed for therapy by giving the client an
opportunity to heal and revise his own childhood during a few
minutes of every day.

In Alchemical Hypnotherapy, this self-nurturing process can
be expanded to include “inner parents”. A new mother and
father are discovered in the child’s own subconscious mind
who fill the child’s needs while providing both love and
wisdom to the client’s adult self. This allows the client who
has a seriously disturbed childhood (and therefore no
knowledge of what parental love feels like) to recreate a
happy childhood from scratch with a minimum of time spent in
therapy learning to contract the sources of love and healing
in his own subconscious mind.

Any way you look at it, emotional clearing is therapy that
creates the solid foundation of love, support, and positive
nurturing necessary for emotional security and happiness. In
the complex world of modern therapy, emotional clearing is
the wave of the future!

About Alchemy Institute of Hypnosis: America’s oldest
spiritually oriented hypnotherapy training program has
trained over 2000 hypnotherapists since 1983. The Alchemy
Institute is approved by the state of California Bureau of
Private Postsecondary Education  (BPPVE) and American Council
of Hypnotists Examiners. Our website offers an extensive
library of articles about hypnotherapy. If you’re interested
in making changes in your life through the techniques of
hypnotherapy described here, call our office at
1-800-950-4984 or visit our website at http://alchemyinstitute.com/withhyp.htm

First of all, you need to demonstrate that you have learned from past mistakes.  You should look at what didn’t work the first time around and see if you can improve on it.  Did he complain that you spent too much time with your girl friends?  Then, plan to spend more time with him if you get back together.

The next thing you need to do is remind him of all of the good things in your relationship.  Who were you when you first got together?  Has anything changed?  For instance, when you got together were you a bubbly outgoing girl who had lots of things on your plate?  Then, as you got more involved with him, did you drop a lot of your activities?  Maybe he dropped you because you weren’t as engaging as you used to be.

Put your hurt feelings aside and look at how you can support your ex boyfriend.  While he’s just a friend now, by being there to support him, maybe you can turn the relationship back into something more.

If his friends were critical of you, that may have been the reason behind the break up.  Try to win his friends over as they have a great deal of influence on who he chooses to date.

One of the most powerful tools you have to get your ex boyfriend back is to reminisce about the good times you shared.  As you put the positive memories in his mind, he will feel more like getting back together with you.

Go to the places you used to go together and do the activities you used to do together.  Not only will this make it more likely that you will just “run in” to your ex boyfriend, you will also be developing the hobbies that he enjoys.  Also, if there was a pastime that he encouraged you to take up while you were in the relationship, you might want to consider doing it now.  It will signal to him that you have changed and have become even more interesting.

Always look your best.  You never know when you might run into him.  Guys are so much more visual that girls are.  So, your appearance matters.

Be a positive person.  Guys don’t like depressed, whining girls.  Be positive and upbeat around all kinds of people – but especially your ex!

But, whatever you do, don’t be too obvious that you are trying to get your ex boyfriend back.  The pressure will make him like you less, not more.

You will notice that the advice I’ve given you here will make you a more attractive girlfriend whether it is for your ex or for a new guy.  That’s because improving yourself will always get you a boyfriend.

“I know what to do, I just can’t do it!” This is the cry I hear so frequently. People know that love will serve them the best. They know that arguments, disgruntlement, and yearning for what they don’t have serves them poorly. They yearn for peace, contentment, positive engagement, and the desire for what they already have.

But, the flesh is weak, as Paul groaned long before we came along.

Perhaps we are truly “spirits having as human experience,” but we are all burdened with an ancient survival mechanism at the top of our brain stem. From it ushers the “fight or flight” response (more of a reaction for most of us!)

It is this survival mechanism that reacts to perceived threat of peril. The fearful, knee-jerk reaction to loss of prestige, possessions or financial security catches most of us on a daily basis. A comment from a spouse, or child, or friends can and does bring about emotional responses all out of proportion with the event itself, often due to the inner triggering of unconscious memories of pain and trauma.

Hence, we are willing to be good and loving people of the Light, but it so often just plain goes wrong.

Henri Nouwen, the beloved monk and teacher, said that “we all have an address with God, but we are so infrequently at that address, to be addressed by God.” This is what the survival mechanism does. It takes us away from the “home address” into a far away country called Fear.

At Centered Life we endeavor to help people learned to be at their home address. We call this being “centered” in life, where we can experience Spirit, know God’s lively presence, and have the satisfaction of the “peace that passes all understanding.”

All our traditions have ways of seeking this path. The Mystics led the way, but all of us can practice behavior that enhances spiritual perspective and leads to security from all those “survival issues” knocking at the door.

The traditional paths are meditation and prayer, worship and adoration, and works of kindness and service.

I hope that you will pursue such ways as habitual practices. However, I’d like to offer a couple of quick start methods right now:

First, go sit in the bathroom (yes, the bathroom! It’s a prayer closet available to you multiple times each day.) Then close your eyes and slowly count backwards from 30 to 1. If you don’t feel a little more peaceful, then do the counting backwards again, and possibly again. As long as you keep your eyes closed and count backwards, your brain will go to the lower, more centered brain waves you experience when you read a novel. It’s a great way to initiate a quiet reflective prayer in the middle of a hectic day.

Second, each evening, just before bed, for 30 days, make a short list of what you are grateful for from that day. It is the rare person that doesn’t start feeling better from this ongoing “attitude of gratitude.”

Simple stuff, but not exactly easy to get yourself to do it. But it works! So, give it a try, and give that willing spirit a chance to rise above your survival instincts

Anxiety can come in many flavours and blends, ranging from a simple focus or integrating many types ranging from an individual’s focal point to a more widely spread axis. Once the type of anxiety has been determined, then and only then can individual counseling begin and help alleviate the symptoms and progress with the patient’s treatment.

Cognitive behaviour therapy is a form of treatment that has proven to effectively reduce anxiety and depression among recipients. With this anxiety counseling, relapses are more likely to be prevented, helping to empower the patient for their own successes. These treatments can range anywhere from 12 to 15 weeks in duration, but positive results can be observed in as little as 6 weeks. Although this may be the case in some, sometimes results are not shown for months depending on the severity of the condition.

Typically keeping a journal of meaningful events and their associated behaviours and feelings is a major part of the therapy process. Usually the negative feelings and behaviours that the patient possesses after situations arise is due to an ingrained temperament from childhood and is sometimes difficult to change. With persistence and understanding cognitive behaviour therapy can yield the results both the medical caregiver and patient are looking for in the long term.

Cognitive behavior therapy can be a one-on-one process or in a group setting, the style of therapy is also dictated by the level of anxiety the patient possesses or the type of anxiety counseling they require. Sometimes even a combination of both individual and group cognitive behavior therapy can be beneficial for the anxiety sufferer.

There are many different avenues when exploring anxiety counseling, importantly is the results from the treatment for the patient. If one therapy is not yielding the results desired there are many other types of therapy available to utilize.

Find   anxiety counseling sources at http://www.cureanxietyattacks.com where you will find more resources, articles and tips on how to   cure anxiety attacks.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Max_Suther http://EzineArticles.com/?Anxiety-Counseling—Several-Things-You-Need-To-Know&id=929690

Colorado Springs Counseling at Centered Life

One of the most misunderstood things about depression is what causes it. There are those who believe that there must be a reason to be depressed, and this is not the case. It is never that simple, and there doesn’t have to be an apparent reason for depression to occur at all.

Another thing that many people don’t realize is that short periods of feeling ‘down’ or ‘blue’ are normal. It is when those feelings are prolonged and start interfering in one’s life that it becomes serious, and requires treatment.

These days, most people do recognize the symptoms of depression. They include loss of interest in daily activities, changes in appetite or weight, changes in sleep patterns, feelings of helplessness, feelings of hopelessness, loss of energy, self loathing, trouble concentrating, irritability, and aches and pains. It is important to note that not all people who suffer from depression will suffer all of these symptoms, and the degree to which these symptoms are suffered varies from one person to the next.

There may be a life event that actually causes the depression. This could include the loss of a job, the loss of a spouse through death or divorce, a change in seasons (known as seasonal affective disorder or SAD), postpartum depression (after the birth of a baby), or any other number of life events.

But then, there is the depression that has no apparent cause. When this occurs, the culprit is usually a change in body chemistry, or chemicals produced and/or released by the brain. This is often very serious, simply because nobody expects the depression – including the person who is suffering from it. For example, if a loved one dies, you, your friends, and family members would reasonably expect a period of depression. But if nothing like this has occurred, it is simply unexpected, and often goes unnoticed for a long period of time.

You might assume since there is no ‘reason’ for depression that what you are suffering is not depression, and therefore, you may fail to seek treatment. If you are suffering from any of the signs of depression, you should have a medical checkup. If nothing is discovered during that checkup, your next line of defense against depression should be to seek counseling.

Online counseling for depression is a good place to start. A good online therapist will be able to help you discover whether there is a life event that could have brought on the depression, or if in-person care is required to determine whether or not medication may help put the body chemistry back into balance.  The worst thing that one can do when any sign of depression is present is fail to seek help. Depression that is left untreated has many consequences, including not living life to the fullest and potential suicide.

Jennifer B. Baxt, LMHC, LMFT offers online audio/video counseling as well as works with children, individuals, couples, geriatric patients, depression, bipolar, anxiety and substance abuse.Jennifer B. Baxt, LMHC, LMFT offers online audio/video counseling as well as works with children, individuals, couples, geriatric patients, depression, bipolar, anxiety and substance abuse.

Please contact  [mailto:jennifer@completecounselingsolutions.com]jennifer@completecounselingsolutions.com or http://www.completecounselingsolutions.com for any further information.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Dr._Jennifer_Baxt,_DMFT http://EzineArticles.com/?Understanding-and-Recognizing-Depression&id=828178

Colorado Springs Counseling